“I just think it’s hogwash…”

There follows some excerpts from my latest play (a comedy) entitled “A warmongering, hypocritical, satanic, ameriKKKan-sKKKum-phuquer being asked questions by a rubbish journalist, obviously wetting himself in fear

Watermelon: What if the Senate passes a resolution saying, this is not a good idea. Will that stop you?

Cantaloupe: It won’t stop us…

Watermelon: So, you’re moving forward, no matter what the Congress does?

Cantaloupe: We are moving forward. We are moving forward…

Cantaloupe: I’m delighted — I’m delighted I’m about to have a sixth grandchild, Watermelon. And obviously I think the world of both my daughters and all of my grandchildren. And I think, frankly, you’re out of line with that question.

Watermelon: I think all of us appreciate…

Cantaloupe: I think you’re out of line.

Watermelon: …your daughters. No, we like your daughters. Believe me, I’m very, very sympathetic to Date and to Plum. I like them both. That was just a question that’s come up, and it’s a responsible, fair question.

Cantaloupe: I just fundamentally disagree with you.

Watermelon: I want to congratulate you on having another grandchild.

As you can see it’s about a dirty, disgusting, greedy, grasping capitalist. It’s set during an interview with an all-too-typically rubbish journalist. In answering the questions put to him, our hero demonstrates he is blithely unconcerned about everything including, amongst other things, public opinion, the Senate, compassion for humanity. Of course our hero is a caricature, and the play is a farce.

The pharaoh has spoken…



Congratulations, oh imbecile in chief, oh unitary dissembler. You are now 28. And to celebrate, a musical interlude;

Hail to the Chief we have chosen for the nation,
Hail to the Chief! We salute him, one and all.
Hail to the Chief, as we pledge cooperation
In proud fulfillment of a great, noble call.

Yours is the aim to make this grand country grander,
This you will do, that’s our strong, firm belief.
Hail to the one we selected as commander,
Hail to the President! Hail to the Chief!

You pays your money, and you takes your chances… Sleep well.


A sick birdy…

What’s that Travis?

“Listen, you fuckers, you screw-heads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up. Here is…”

That’s right Travis, I couldn’t agree with you more old bean. In fact, if I hear another mentally challenged warmongering AmeriKKKan bemoan the fact that they are “losing the war in Iraq”, I’ll probably write him / her a strongly worded letter explaining to them that it is not a war, it’s an illegal crime of agression.


Get well soon…

Jane Hamsher, founder of firedoglake and one of the top bloggers on the planet, is going in for surgery on Thursday (today as I write this) for breast cancer.

Take care and get well soon.


Focus Group

What is a Focus Group?

A focus group is a form of qualitative research in which a group of people are asked about their attitude towards a product, service, concept, advertisement, idea, or packaging. Questions are asked in an interactive group setting where participants are free to talk with other group members.

In the world of marketing, focus groups are an important tool for acquiring feedback regarding new products, as well as various topics. In particular, focus groups allow companies wishing to develop, package, name, or test market a new product, to discuss, view, and/or test the new product before it is made available to the public. This can provide invaluable information about the potential market acceptance of the product.

So in the case of 24; the American public is the focus group, torture is the product (or service if you will), and the ratings are the feedback.

And you’re still not worried yet America?


Il Duce

Michael Ledeen, the Neocon thinker par excellence (in fact their primary ideologue), and noted apologist for Fascism, has a cv one can only dream of (I use the word thinker where in truth I’d prefer to use words like feeble-minded warmonger, fraudster on a global scale, or even 3rd rate scholar). In order to get a clear idea of the measure of this great man I refer you to an excellent example of his journalism in which he suggested, in theory mind you, an alliance between Europe (specifically France and Germany) and radical Islam;

No military operation could possibly defeat the United States, and no direct economic challenge could hope to succeed. That left politics and culture. And here there was a chance to turn America’s vaunted openness at home and toleration abroad against the United States. So the French and the Germans struck a deal with radical Islam and with radical Arabs: You go after the United States, and we’ll do everything we can to protect you, and we will do everything we can to weaken the Americans.

You have to admire the agility, the fertility, of an imagination capable of such flights of fancy, yet so encumbered by an intelect of the third, or even fourth order. It’s worth also mentioning the Ledeen Doctrine;

…here is the bedrock tenet of the Ledeen Doctrine in more or less his own words: “Every ten years or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy little country and throw it against the wall, just to show the world we mean business.”

Ledeen is exactly what is wrong with American foreign policy. He demonstrates conclusively that with mere unscientific hypothesizing, with a lever as it were, or stick even, of the right size or length, one can move (or change) the world. At least if one is standing in America.


Must… kill… humans…

Some extracts from the 2004 presidential debates with one word changed. See if you can spot which word;

“I believe in being strong and resolute and determined. And I will hunt down and kill the Americans, wherever they are…”

“We had him surrounded. But we didn’t use American forces, the best trained in the world, to go kill Americans…”

“I will never let those troops down, and will hunt and kill the Americans wherever they are…”

“I understand that. That’s why I will never stop at anything to hunt down and kill the Americans…”

“I have a plan that will help us go out and kill and find the Americans…”

“And I will not stop in our efforts to hunt down and kill the Americans…”




Robert Anton Wilson died on the 11th of January.

“Please pardon my levity, I don’t see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd.”

All Hail Eris!


I (Keith Olbermann) am Dynamite!

You can download, and read the transcript of, Olbermann’s preemptive strike against the Bush administration’s “new Iraq Strategy” here. And while you’re at it, why not check out this article which he references in the course of his comment. This, my friends, is the real deal. It is made all the more potent when you consider the standard of journalism in American mainstream media today. As a taster;

…This senseless, endless war. But it has not been senseless in two ways. It has succeeded, Mr. Bush, in enabling you to deaden the collective mind of this country to the pointlessness of endless war, against the wrong people, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. It has gotten many of us, used to the idea — the virtual “white noise” — of conflict far away, of the deaths of young Americans, of vague “sacrifice” for some fluid cause, too complicated to be interpreted except in terms of the very important sounding, but ultimately meaningless phrase, “the war on terror.”

And the war’s second accomplishment — your second accomplishment, sir – is to have taken money out of the pockets of every American, even out of the pockets of the dead soldiers on the battlefield, and their families, and to have given that money to the war profiteers. Because if you sell the Army a thousand Humvees, you can’t sell them any more, until the first thousand have been destroyed…

Absolutely brilliant stuff. But you have to wonder, though, why it has taken till now, more than 6 years into Bush’s Reign of Terror, for public opinion to turn. Or, as Olbermann suggests, is it down to one of the few successes of the Bush Administration; that the collective mind had been so deadened…


s is for psychopath…

I know this picture has been around for over a year, but it still makes me laugh.

Hello I am george age 6 and a half and i think i need to do a wee wee and a poo poo but first i shall allow myself to be manipulated by a malevolent cadre of third rate philosophers and failed businessmen with delusions of grandeur and a desire to put the whole world into a state of crisis for the benefit of their dubious business interests.

Bathroom breaks are for the weak.


Religion Fever, or "God told me to skin you alive…"

Hi, my name is Insane Phuquer, and I’m an evangelical broadcaster. I’d like to share with you a conversation I had with my good friend The God yesterday. Below is a rough transcription of what went down;

The God
“Insane Phuquer! I’d like to inform you about a wonderful smiting I will perform in the near future.”
Insane Phuquer
“Oh yeah? Tell me more…”
The God
“I was thinking of something nuclear… in a major urban area… many casualties… lets say NYC?”
Insane Phuquer
“Oh yeah… smite them preverts and liberals… smite ’em good…”
The God
“Insane Phuquer… are you masturbating?”
Insane Phuquer
“But The God, surely you can tell…”
The God

Or something like that… Thus spaketh The God. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pressing concern to attend to / get intimate with. Peace out!

I.P. (through the agency of J.K.)

No support for Linux

Just had a look at /. and saw an interesting post. From the FAQ;

On which platforms can I view the live streaming media service of the Council of the European Union?The live streaming media service of the Council of the European Union can be viewed on Microsoft Windows and Macintosh platforms. We cannot support Linux in a legal way. So the answer is: No support for Linux

What a load of crap! I’d like to know exactly why they “cannot support Linux in a legal way”. Anyway, go here and sign the petition if you feel strongly about this, if not go here or here (ya bastid!).


What is the meaning of this!

I can’t believe I have been sitting around over Christmas sans Nintendo Wii. How could they have got things so wrong? I need an explanation for this European shortage? How come the good ol’ US of A seems to get plenty of Wiis, and Europe get’s bugger all? Or is this just a pathetic attempt to generate hype, or spur demand, à la M$ and their Xbox 360?

I hope not. There are a hell of a lot of pissed-off dedicated Nintendo fans out there.