Make Me A Grilled-Cheese Sandwich, Asshole

circular_reasoning.gifJust what I needed on a Saturday morning;

Argumentative logic is pretty tough to wrap the brain around at first, so I think we should delve deeper into the territory—or at least due west, then up, then right—because there are all sorts of argument variations you could feasibly encounter under everyday circumstances. From politicians and CEOs to professional scholars and news anchors, there are vast numbers of self-proclaimed pundits putting our tricky language to optimal use in the hopes of convincing you that the very absurd things spewing from their mouths actually possess an iota of truth. Often these linguistic smoke and mirrors prove quite effective—just have a look at that last sentence for proof of that.Other examples include the flip-flop argument:

  • I am a mortal being.
  • Mortal beings die.
  • Therefore, I am now an immortal being.

This particular argument was originally postulated by John Kerry during the 2004 presidential election. I consider this a sound argument. That is to say, I believe it, personally. Although I will allow that it seems a tad fishy.

You might find the following argument, originally posed by my abusive uncle to his teenage stepson, a bit more useful—if not way more convincing:

  • I am a mortal being.
  • Wait, no, I am an immortal being.
  • Make me a grilled-cheese sandwich, asshole, or I’ll incinerate your Datsun.

My Uncle Grant is tough to step to in a cage match of the mind (also, I think he’s a demigod). You see how he just made a singular point, and then completely reversed his stance on that point, and then threatened his opponent’s livelihood? That is rad, and also known as a non-linear argument, because it doesn’t go in a straight line or make any fucking sense whatsoever.

Make sure you read the rest of it (from here).

J.K.

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